Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
