I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
