allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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