Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
