kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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