Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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