How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
