he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
