In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
