This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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