Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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