Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
