I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
