Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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