im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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