3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
cat food counts as protein by the way
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
