Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
