I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
