Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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