the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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