I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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