quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
