I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
