Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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