the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
