is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
