On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This house was built for laser tag.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
