my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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