RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
