It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
