kristin has been a bad kristin
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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