She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
