I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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