Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
