I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
