Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
