question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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