I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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