is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
