I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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