Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
