guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
