i need an iv and a liver transplant
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
