I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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