told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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