Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
