maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I want a musical about memes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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