so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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