saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
