Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
