how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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