My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
