its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
