idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
