The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
