he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
