Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
