Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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