Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
