We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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