Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
