Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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