just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize