Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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