oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
