Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
