Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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