Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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