Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
