Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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