Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize