its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
