So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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