Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
