No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
