I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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