scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
