Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
