this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
