How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize