I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
