worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
