I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
