I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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