Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
