There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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