Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
