I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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