I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
