I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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