a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
