dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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